Leadership is all about communication. But what does that mean on a practical level?
I remember some of the core principles of my Speech 101 and Oral Communication for the Professions college courses. I received personal coaching before speaking to a crowd of 5,000+. But, as helpful as those classes and experiences were, I don’t feel like they gave me some of the core skills needed to communicate effectively.
What really mattered, I discovered, was conversation. The day-to-day exchange of information. The chatter around the water cooler. The small talk before the meeting. The huddle in the cubicle. The update in the elevator. These small speeches were where leadership became evident, culture was formed, and success was born.
Here are 10 simple phrases that can shape your conversational ability and, by extension, advance your leadership. Whether you’re a project manager, a senior vice president, or an individual contributor to your organization, these phrases are packed with power and can be used in personal conversations, meetings, talks with your team members, or interactions with your boss.
This phrase is often expressed in a faulty way: “I’m going be totally honest with you.” That one bothers me. Why? Because it suggests they aren’t normally totally honest with me. Why do they have to assert their honesty as a prelude to what they’re going to say? Honesty should be a given.
Instead, to make a strong point, stress your transparency. Transparency between people is what draws them together. It’s an ingredient of friendship and camaraderie. You can’t be friends with someone without some level of transparency and opening up about life’s shared experiences.
Being “completely transparent” helps draw your listeners in so they feel the importance of what you’re saying.
The phrase is tentative enough to keep you from sounding like a know-it-all. You’re admitting, in an understated way, that you don’t have all the answers. However, you do have a crack at it, and you’re going to say it.
The “wonder” verbiage helps spark a bit of curiosity in others, too. If you’re “wondering” about something, you might get them wondering, too.
When you’re in a meeting and would like to offer a solution, begin by saying “I wonder if…”
This simple phrase becomes a soft, but effective way to press your point and advance your ideas.
There’s a reason why celebrity gossip is a multimillion-dollar industry. We love to hear about personal experiences, even if their last name doesn’t end in “-ardashian.”
Personal examples are far more compelling than generic platitudes or exhortations. When we tie personality up into our conversation, it moves people.
Besides, humans are wired to love stories. When you tell a story, people want to listen. It doesn’t matter if it’s a short story or an epic novel—people want to hear it.
So the next time you’re telling a team member how to improve his coding or why he needs to come to work on time, give this phrase a try.
One of the best ways to deal with questions is simply to turn them back around to the person who’s asking the question. I’ve had this happen to me. I have a question I think only the boss can answer, so I hurriedly scurry off to find him. I ask the question, and my boss flips it.
Maybe he rephrases the question, or provides a different angle. Whatever the case, I’m now faced with answering the very question I asked. A lot of times, I experience some breakthrough understanding of the issue.
This phrase doesn’t just help people think through their own problem. It also empowers your team to make decisions on their own.
Rather than convince people with power moves and strong-arm techniques, use data to show the way. Convince them through numbers, research, and legitimate information.
When you go to the work of collecting data, you’ve provided yourself with 2 powerful resources of persuasion:
Of course, this means you have to do the research, so don’t neglect that first component.
This phrase expresses trust in someone else’s contribution. You’re empowering her with a significant amount of decision-making ability. But at the same time, you’re reminding her she’s responsible for the action being taken.
Businesses purportedly run on numbers and data. We make decisions logically. Yet none of us can deny the significance of feelings in the ebb and flow of organizational life. People are driven by feelings as much as anything else.
As leaders, we need to understand these feelings to make the most effective decisions. Feelings can be strong, and they can boil over into rash behavior or lead to faulty decision-making. A truly intuitive leader will understand such feelings and respond accordingly.
In personal conversation, you can change the entire tenor and attitude with this simple question.
When it comes to transparency in conversation, I suggest that you use this phrase, not as a manipulative technique, but as a way to personally disclose your concerns.
Once, I had a personal conflict with an individual. This person—older, more powerful, more well-known, more respected—spent a couple of hours pointing out all the flaws in my character and conduct. It was a tough couple of hours for me. At the end of the conversation, I used this phrase and, without defensiveness, shared a bit of the pain. I think my comment made him stop and think about the venting he had just spent a couple of hours engaging in.
That’s just one example of where this phrase can be used. You can also use it in a non-conflict-driven context. For example, if you have a really good meeting with a client and made some progress, you can say, “This conversation has made me feel really good about where our project is going this June. I think we’re going to see some remarkable success.”
Leadership isn’t all about instant decisions. Sometimes, you have to think things over. One phrase that gives you the runway for doing so is the “That’s good, and let’s pause” phrase.
This phrase has two-fold power. First, you’re acknowledging the input of the person you’re meeting with. Second, you’re buying yourself time to think about it.
Honesty is always the best policy, even when your honesty leads you to say, “I have no clue.” It’s better to admit ignorance than pretend you have knowledge in some area that you don’t.
The qualifier “right now” leaves the door open for you to come back and say, “I wonder if…” to provide a proposed answer.
Leadership consists of far more than just simple phrases. But unless you have some degree of conversational effectiveness, your leadership cannot thrive.
These phrases, when used with authentic intentionality, can help you communicate better. From understanding feelings to reversing questions to venturing answers, your role as a leader is to conduct yourself in a respectful yet effective way—one conversation at a time.
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